The Sometimes Heartwrenching Job of Being Called "Mom"

My daughter cried last night. She doesnt do this often anymore, she's 14. It wasnt the "I skinned my knee" cry like when she was five or the "Sydney wont play with me" cry like when she was 10. It was the heartwrenching cry of a soul that has matured enough to have come into their own being and has looked at themselves through someone else's eyes and has found that they have come up lacking. I dont mean in the exterior sense either, but the more important interior, the harder to fix one. She said, "I know people find me annoying Mom, I've seen it in their eyes". I had to stop and think about how many times I have preached to her not to "do this" or "do that", that people find it annoying. Did she truly take my words to heart and now seeing it for the first time through these eyes it has sent her into a tailspin? She wanted to hold my hand she was so upset. Teenagers NEVER want to be touched by their parents and God forbid you should touch them in public, but there it was, she took my hand and held it tight and cried her eyes out. If you're a mother you know exactly what I was feeling. You would take all that pain away and into your own heart if you only could. But we cant and only God truly knows how that feels. I tried to help her as much as I could, but this is one of those places where you say, (once again) why isnt there a manual for being a parent? She was being "pushy" because she wanted some of her friends to do what she wanted, only she didnt stop at "lets do this", she kept on and on and on until they were thoroughly annoyed. I know where they were coming from, because I've always said she would eventually be one of the world's greatest saleswomen because she is going to tell you in ten different ways why you should do what she wants and eventually it gets --- you got it --- annoying. Then she suddenly jumped to how much she hates to hurt people (a complete change of subject). She had to tell a little boy that she didnt like him as a boyfriend and it hurt so much in the telling that she began to cry in earnest again. This one I could help her with. I told her in relationships that "honesty is the best policy". That no matter how bad you hurt someone, it is still best to be honest and let them know how you feel instead of letting them believe you want to continue in a relationship. It was like all the times I had hurt someone came flooding back to me, but it only reinforced that it is better to be honest. There are times when I wonder if God truly ever wanted me to be a Mother, because sometimes I feel like I fail miserably, but when my daughter went up to bed, she came to hug me and tell me "thanks". Her face was tearstained and her eyes were puffy red and she was sniffling, but somehow she seemed more at peace and I can only hope that being able to talk to me about her problems was what made her that way. There will be 10 million, 10 billion other instances in her life where she will question herself, question her very being, but she will never question the fact that she has a loving mother there for her whenever she needs me. This is what lets me know being called "mom" is all worth even those mornings (like this one) where she comes downstairs, has her Ipod in her ears and ignores me like the plague and eats her Cheerios as far away from me as possible. Someone said if you love something, let it go and if it loves you it will come back --- last night my baby came back, even if only for a short time and a good cry.